Wandering Thoughts of a Closet Nomad

Tide Rolls In.

2005-05-19T01:17:00.000-05:00

Look to the western skyline.
We've seen her lose all colours.
We've watched The Nothing happen
because we're waiting all the time.
We are not as much as lovers,
but still, we love like children.
Just like little children can.

Or just love the open door
where we filter out the strangers.
Where we can let ourselves in,
and I am sleeping on your floor.
Maybe we sleepkiss eachother
soft lipped like nervous children
with tiny shaking hands.

Keep your closet tightly shut.
We've heard all about the monster,
we've even welcomed him to come in.
And we are scared as hell, but
you and I create this creature
with our tall imaginations and
our short attention spans.

Swim into the endless Ozone.
We're skipping stones across dead water,
but it's too cold and dead to jump in.
You can pretend like you're alone
while you hide underneath the covers,
but dreams are stolen from us children
like castles made of sand.

The Screenplay Writes Herself

2005-04-16T21:35:00.000-05:00

It's time for me to leave. It's time for me to grow up and get out of this destructive place. I want to quit imagining moving and actually move. I wish I had it in me to say proper goodbyes to all of my old friends, but I don't. I'm completely exhausted. So I'm just going to take the time to write a little something for a couple people I care about on a pretty real level, even though I'm pretty sure they'll never get the opportunity to read this.

Sean - I can't save your life, we both know that. I wake up every day and try to think of a way to make it work, but all of the good ideas that used to be so abundant are gone now. I guess we'll just have to come to terms with this hell we've gotten ourselves into and somehow carry on with our lives. I hope you'll quit riding that spiral soon because I can see that you are dizzy.

Kayla - Look what we've lived through. So much glamour and just as much drama. Just like in the movies, right? We always knew this is how it would end up, even when we were just kids staring into each others eyes. I have no idea what is going to happen next for you, but I'm personally all out of good excuses to get high. Even though we fell out in the end, I still smile for you all the time. I atleast hope that you are happy. But I know you aren't. Come on, you know I know you best.

We're the kind of people they make movies about.

jive that!

2005-04-16T01:43:00.000-05:00

So there we were in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the night, being chased by this pure black rabid minion of a dog. Freaking out like little children. I've been through some weird times, but this was by far the closest I've come to a first hand encounter with Satan.

myspace, huzzah!

2005-04-14T11:06:00.000-05:00

I got rid of my other sweetkickin' myspace in order to go back into obscurity. Hopefully lots and lots of people will add me as a friend so I can do the whole thing over again. Only this time I hope I actually have friends to abandon.

Okay, so yeah:

http://www.myspace.com/13374250

Honest April

2005-04-02T07:53:00.000-06:00

Took a little trip to "The Cities" on borrowed (AKA stolen) gas with my pal Mike. We had a handful of good (and by good I mean bad) reasons for which to embark on the adventure at hand, but it was all really just a plot to find his wallet and empty his bank account. Two things which we never actually accomplished. However, we were wholeheartedly treated to deliciously free meals and a place to rest our heads. At the bottom of everything I would say we did pretty well for ourselves; Down one pair of aviators, up one pair of chopsticks. Not to mention the large cardboard box of Asian junkfood and trinkets in the backseat.

Upon returning to Staples, I was immediately invited to a "Social Function" that quite inevitably bored me into a coma. Eventually I drove myself home and accidentally taped over a great documentary called Art Liberates. I'll never forgive myself for that.

Arrivals and Departures

2005-03-31T02:40:00.000-06:00

I spent most of yesterday 'saying my goodbyes' to an old friend, who I'm just not sure I'll be seeing anymore. If I do see him, it wont be the same. I guess we've both kind of known all of this for awhile. We walked around town and smoked one for the good times (sorry mom), climbed a familiar building to watch the whole town sleep from far away, and drove fast through the same old stop signs in the name of yesterday. (Yeah, I've been feeling pretty sentimental for awhile.) I'm almost 18, I'm about to walk away. I'm never going to see the same old faces or drink the same naive beers. It's okay I guess; time to grow up and move on.

From Here On Out

2005-03-28T01:36:00.000-06:00

Live life, love, laugh, listen.

Casualties Of War

2005-03-22T09:23:00.000-06:00

There is something quite ~~awe-inspiring~~ bittersweet about watching a perfectly healthy adorable little cat jump from the roof of a barn into the open window of a trashed car, immediately freaking out and darting face first into all of the other (unfortunately closed) windows a few times each. Back and forth like pinball.

Rifle=1, Cat=0. No I didn't shoot it! I just watched unwillingly. What is this world coming to?

Timestamp Rations

2005-03-20T02:28:00.000-06:00

Wow, already a week and more has passed since my last post. This blows my mind. I have truly proven to myself that I have not and can not get a grip on time. Nothing really to write about now, I've just been meditating on some schemes to get myself out of this state as soon as possible. Money is always a problem, but I will defeat all boundaries.

It's Sams birthday, so happy that. I bought her a book with an intended message that she cannot possibly fathom. Happy that.

Ticketmasters Bitch/Advocate

2005-03-11T11:23:00.000-06:00

It's friday! Everybody get drunk and vomit.

I finally got to see The Devils Advocate last night, man that Keanu Reeves is a great actor isn't he? Flawless. Absolutely flawless. His performance here is almost as good as it was in that other movie.

Anyway, I bought Iron & Wine tickets today for myself and Nique. I didn't realize two tickets at 14 dollars each came to 45 bucks. Either my math is off, or my math is off and ticketmaster is running a monopoly. It's okay though, because Mr. Sam Beam is going to rock my socks off acoustically. Not to mention entice me with his fuzzy beard and seduce me with his whispery manvoice.

If you haven't heard of Iron & Wine, I feel bad for you. So here's an mp3.

I apologize if this is all very random and disorganized today, but it's not like anybody is reading it anyway. It's going to be just fine. The future is bright.

Speaking of which, here is what I have in store for this blog in the near future:
-Photolog
(Just to inspire me to actually take photo's on some kind of regular basis)
-Songlog
(A dump for all of the mp3's / noises / compositions I come up with in my pseudostudio.)
-Etc

And in the distant future I am seeing a CSS Skin Chooser. So those of you who don't like blue/orange/white will have no excuse not to read this blog.

Stay tuned!

Sinking into the mold

2005-03-10T02:33:00.000-06:00

Okay, so yesterday I only posted poetry as filler, but now I've decided that probably what I will do is post a poem-a-day as well as a brief and/or exhaustingly long update into the wanderings of my feet/shoes. Eventually this will probably double as my photolog as well.

That said, let's chat. I'm kind of new to this whole blog thing, and so far it's pretty odd and uncomfortable, what with the talking to myself and everything. But, we all know how the old saying goes. "If you build it, they will come."

So what the hell is a blog, anyway?
Lucky for you, I looked it up.
Here are my findings thus far:

blog:: Short for Weblog. A frequently updated web site that chronicles interesting Web pages and, optionally, the author's life.

blog:: A frequent, chronological publication of personal thoughts and Web links.

blog:: (n.) Short for Web log, a blog is a Web page that serves as a publicly accessible personal journal for an individual. Typically updated daily, blogs often reflect the personality of the author.; (v.) To author a Web log.; Other forms: Blogger (a person who blogs).

More on this later (As more pathetic computer geeks/self proclaimed renegades strive to be among the first to stamp a definition on this new & already exploited form of journalism.)

Snow Globes

2005-03-10T01:22:00.000-06:00

Remember you used to put your tongue out
and catch the snow,
and you'd look at me anxiously and say
"I just want to catch them all."
But honey, you'll never have all the snow to yourself.

Those tiny little flakes
just melt as quickly as they've come.
And by then you've already walked off.

"Time is." and you shot him.

So don't you worry sugar,
with all the honey/money you've been making
You can buy yourself a thousand Snow Globes
And to remember every rendezvous,
just shake, shake, shake it!
Surely you know how it goes.

The propagation of light upon the retina

2005-03-09T07:43:00.000-06:00

Transparent little creatures
crawl 5 o'clock AM across my eyes.
A lag in my recepticles.
Like static across the screen
of an early morning television.
And I'm sitting here in the dark
wrapped in a blanket,
trying to focus peripheral attention on
my precious eyelid amoebae.

Naming my tiny vitreous pets.

And despite my intention to mollycoddle
each one with great appreciation,
I cannot focus directly upon any of them.
They sure do strive to hide, jumping left-stage
to avoid undivided attention.
(There are no more trap doors, so hold still.)
I'll just manipulate the aperture of mind, and soon
you'll get the assurance of loneliness.
I just want to remember you.

I just want to remember.

Closet Nomad

2005-03-09T07:29:00.000-06:00

The weather is a solid grey.
Sleeping couch to couch,
walking in the rain.
Leaves keep falling, but atleast
they all get blown away,
stretching outward from the
sidewalks where they thought
they'd always stay.

I am a closet nomad,
I come and go away,
When everything is looking up
I can't help but look the other way.
A violin, no strings.
A horses hair consistently unwinds.
Where sound once was,
A muted silence resides.
An unfinished...
You left me in limbo.
Now I'm slipping down the spiral.
As I pick myself up, I hold
my own hand, It's hard to
give up, but that is something
you could never understand.